


Sawdust Dancing In Sunshine

by Diamond_Raven



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: BDSM, Dom Steve Rogers, First Time, Gentle Dom, Great Depression Period Flashbacks, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Roleplay, Slightly Reluctant Dom, Subspace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 06:01:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20652368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diamond_Raven/pseuds/Diamond_Raven
Summary: Steve begins to notice that Bucky seems unsatisfied with their bedroom activities. After remembering witnessing something back in the 30s that he wasn’t supposed to see, Steve realizes that Bucky’s been missing something that he’s been too scared to ask for.





	1. Chapter 1

Six months after Steve finds Bucky—sitting by the river in Brooklyn of all places—they’ve settled into their new lives. Bucky’s recovery had been a long process but he’s happy and healthy. Seeing Bucky doing well had pushed Steve to take steps to settle into living in the 21st century too and they’re doing great. They found a really great place to live in Brooklyn and they’ve even started a carpentry business together, which had been Bucky’s idea.

Despite manual labor not having been Bucky’s preferred job back in the 1930s, he hadn’t had a choice. After everything that’s happened, Steve had encourage Bucky to pick whatever job he wanted and Bucky had told Steve he actually missed working with his hands. They both hate that everything’s made out of metal or plastic these days and making furniture by hand makes them both happy. An added bonus is that Bucky enjoys getting to take advantage of his metal hand. After the months of physical therapy he’d gone through to teach him how to use his prosthetic arm properly, Bucky loves using it.

In general, Bucky seems to love their jobs even more than Steve does. One of Bucky’s jobs back in the 30s had been at the sawmill down by the river and Steve had gotten accustomed to Bucky always coming home, covered in sawdust. Now, they both spend their days surrounded by sawdust and the wonderful smell of freshly cut wood. Sometimes when Steve hugs Bucky when they’re both home, he closes his eyes and buries his nose in Bucky’s neck and the scent of wood always brings him back to the past.

A few months ago, they’d also decided to embark on a romantic relationship. Steve’s been ridiculously in love with Bucky for years but he hadn’t felt comfortable bringing it up when Bucky had been going through therapy and finding his footing in this new world, but the time had eventually seemed right. To his delight, Bucky had seemed as delighted by the prospect of moving their relationship to a whole new level and things are now fantastic.

Well…for the most part.

When they’d started having sex, things had been great for a while. It’s been exciting moving their relationship into such new territory and they’ve had a lot of fun learning about each other and themselves. Even months later, Steve still thoroughly enjoys what they do together in bed, but Bucky…is acting weird.

It’s not that Bucky’s acting bored or unhappy. He just seems a little…sad? Not during sex, but afterwards. He loves cuddling with Steve and he seems to enjoy what they do in bed, but there’s this hint of sadness around him afterwards that Steve finds puzzling. He’s asked Bucky a dozen times what’s bothering him and if he wants to change anything about how they do things in bed, but Bucky always pastes a fake smile on his face and tells him he’s happy and doesn’t want anything changing.

It’s driving Steve crazy and he’s devoting every spare minute to figuring out what’s bothering Bucky. He dismisses one option after another until one afternoon when Bucky makes some off-hand comment about something his boss used to say to him at the sawmill. That reminder about Bucky’s former job and former boss abruptly reminds Steve of a memory he’d pushed out of his mind years ago.

It’s not just any memory…it’s a memory that Steve isn’t supposed to have in the first place.

He hasn’t thought about it in years and he puzzles over why he’s remembering that particular memory rather than the dozens of other memories that feature Bucky and his former job, but then he realizes that it might be due to their current issues in the bedroom. That forbidden memory is sexually related so that might be the common thread?

But whatever the reason, his first reaction is the same it’s always been when he thinks back to that fateful day when he’d followed Bucky after work and discovered something Bucky didn’t want him to know: ignoring it. The confusion and jealousy that Steve had felt after his discovery is just as strong now and he wants to push the memory back into the dark corner of his mind where it usually lives.

But because of the sexual nature of the memory, Steve finds himself pausing and dwelling on it a bit more on the off chance that the memory is related to the current problem Steve’s trying to solve.

* * *

Bucky had been working at the sawmill for about a year before he’d started his ‘every-second-Thursday’ routine. Every second Thursday, Bucky would tell Steve that he was going out for drinks with his co-workers and he’d be home late. That wasn’t unusual. Steve never minded if Bucky went out drinking every once in a while, especially these Thursday sessions. Bucky’s co-workers always seemed happy to buy Bucky drinks and Bucky never had to spend his own money, which was good.

Another good thing was that Bucky seemed to have picked a new type of drink to indulge in because whenever he came home from his Thursday drinking sessions, he would be relaxed, slurring a bit and very happy, but not nearly as chatty as he usually got when drunk. So none of that was unusual and Steve was happy about all of it, except one thing: Bucky never invited Steve to come along. They usually did everything together and Bucky always told Steve that not having Steve around him made things less fun, so not being invited to join him at the bar was strange.

What was even more strange was that Bucky always had excuses when Steve asked if he could come. Bucky hadn’t ever been cruel about it, but he’d always twisted the situation until Steve agreed not to go. It had really irritated him and hurt Steve’s feelings and after months of Bucky not letting Steve come to the bar with him, Steve had decided to take matters into his own hands. It’s a free country and if Steve wanted to show up at the same bar where Bucky was spending time, that was Steve’s right.

He hadn’t told Bucky about it ahead of time since he hadn’t wanted to deal with another polite rejection. Instead, he’d patiently waited for the next Thursday when Bucky would do his bar night.

After doing his shift at the bookstore, Steve had hurried to the bar and sat down, carefully keeping an eye on everybody who came in to see when Bucky would arrive. Eventually, Bucky’s co-workers had come piling in, laughing and talking—but Bucky hadn’t been with them. Steve had kept waiting for a while longer but when Bucky hadn’t shown up, he’d approached one of Bucky’s work buddies and asked when Bucky would be arriving.

And that’s when the situation stopped being irritating and started being weird, because the fella stared at Steve and told him Bucky wasn’t planning on coming because he was “staying late to help Mr. Jackson with that special project of theirs”.

Steve hadn’t heard anything about a special project that Bucky was doing for his boss, and when he’d asked how long Bucky had been doing his ‘special project’, he learned it had been five months. And five months was exactly how long Bucky had been having his Thursday bar nights.

So Bucky had been lying to Steve for months and this was why Bucky had put up such a fuss about Steve coming to the bar. A part of Steve was actually relieved that Bucky had been pushing Steve to stay away because he’d been afraid that Steve would discover Bucky was lying and not because Bucky doesn’t want to socialize with him.

But that was where the good news ended. Because Bucky had been lying to Steve for five months. Not only that, but apparently, Bucky had been spending a lot of extra time with Mr. Jackson.

Steve didn’t know much about Mr. Jackson but Bucky had liked him. He’d been a fair boss and good man who cared about the safety of his workers. Maybe Mr. Jackson was teaching Bucky extra skills so Bucky could get a higher paying position? Or maybe he was teaching Bucky book-related skills so Bucky could be a manager one day? That seemed like a likely scenario. Bucky was smart and despite having dropped out of school in sixth grade to start working and support his own family and Steve’s, he’d helped Steve with his schoolwork all the way until graduation. Maybe Mr. Jackson was teaching Bucky things he’d normally have to go to college for?

But why wouldn’t Bucky tell Steve about such an amazing opportunity?

Steve mulled over that as he slowly walked home. He couldn’t think of any reason, except that Bucky wanted to surprise him when he gets that fantastic promotion. But that didn’t excuse Bucky lying to him for five months. The jerk could have just said he was doing a special project with Mr. Jackson and it was going to be a surprise. Lying about it the way he did and hurting Steve’s feelings in the process had been a dirty thing to do.

Steve got more annoyed about the lying thing the longer he thought about it and he finally decided that Bucky had lost the right to surprise Steve with something nice when he’d lied and made Steve feel rejected. Most people in his life have rejected Steve at some point or another but Bucky had always been different and it stung that the jerk hadn’t thought twice about doing it.

So Steve decided he’d get back at Bucky by heading to the sawmill and ruining his fancy little surprise.

* * *

When Steve arrived at the sawmill, he got his first surprise when he found the door of the warehouse unlocked but the lights turned off inside. He wandered through the dim warehouse, the only light coming from the backdoor still being open. The smell of freshly cut wood was very strong and reminded Steve of Bucky.

The backdoor opened into the yard right next to the river where the enormous logs would be hoisted out of the water after having travelled down the river from wherever they were cut. Steve saw the enormous piles of logs through the open door and the sight was a little intimidating. It reminded him how glad he was that he didn’t have to work with these enormous things. He’d much rather spend his time in the bookstore.

The floor of the warehouse was deserted. The enormous circular saw blades in the center of the large wooden tables were still, their razor sharp teeth glinting in the dim light. Bucky was clearly not working on any special project in the warehouse but when Steve looked around, he noticed the light in the office above the warehouse floor was still turned on. That supported his belief that Mr. Jackson was teaching Bucky bookkeeping skills.

Smiling smugly, Steve headed for the stairs and quietly crept up the wooden steps. When he got to the top, he cautiously peered through the waist-high windows, ready to confront Bucky about the silly twit lying to him.

He saw Mr. Jackson right away. The older man was leaning against the side of his desk and he looked oddly flushed. His lips were moving but Steve couldn’t hear what he was saying. Wondering where Bucky was, Steve quietly crept closer to the windows, staying in the shadows and staring into the office.

And that was when he finally saw Bucky and got the biggest shock of his life.

Because Bucky definitely wasn’t learning anything related to accounting or how to be a manager.

Bucky was kneeling on the wooden floor, his shirt off, his hands behind his back…and Mr. Jackson had his stiff cock in Bucky’s mouth. The man was thrusting his cock in and out of Bucky’s mouth.

A cold shudder ran down Steve’s back. He’d heard of fairy boys doing things like that but he’d never seen it in real life. His first thought had been that Mr. Jackson was raping Bucky. A jolt of adrenaline shot through Steve and he’d been on the verge of busting through the door and getting Mr. Jackson and his disgusting privates away from Bucky…when he noticed other details.

Bucky had his hands behind his back, but they weren’t tied. Bucky was just holding his hands clasped behind his back. If Bucky wanted to, he could easily get away from the older man. But he wasn’t making any attempt to do that. And Mr. Jackson was fully in control of sliding his cock in and out of Bucky’s mouth, but he seemed to be doing it gently.

Not only that, but Bucky’s pants were open and his cock was as hard as Mr. Jackson’s. Bucky wasn’t making any attempt to touch himself. But the fact that Bucky was aroused wasn’t enough to draw conclusions over whether Bucky was being forced to participate in this or not. Steve’s own cock rarely did anything but Bucky often complained that he’d get hard for no apparent reason. So maybe his cock was reacting to the sexual nature of what was going on and Bucky’s desire to be there had nothing to do with it?

But in addition to the lack of restraints, Steve noticed something else that seemed to indicate that Bucky was doing this willingly.

Bucky looked completely overcome with bliss. His eyes were half-lidded and he kept his eyes on Mr. Jackson, and his eyes had that soft, content light in them that Bucky sometimes directed at Steve when they woke up on Sundays and could spend the morning being lazy and talking in bed for a few hours before going to church.

Why would Bucky look so happy doing something so…wrong?

Steve had been flooded with dozens of conflicting emotions. Disgust, confusion, anger…he had no idea what to make of this. His stomach clenched as all these different feelings battled inside of him and he wanted to run away but he also couldn’t stop looking and trying to figure out what was going on.

Bucky didn’t look like he was being forced to do this and from what the boys in the bar had told Steve, he’d been doing this with Mr. Jackson for a while. Was Bucky doing this to get a promotion?

As Steve kept watching, Mr. Jackson reached down and lightly ran his hand through Bucky’s hair. That made Bucky shudder and as Steve was trying to figure out whether it was a good shudder or not, Bucky pulled off the thick cock long enough to say something to Mr. Jackson, who smiled softly down at him and tangled his hand in Bucky’s hair and guided his cock right back into Bucky’s mouth.

Despite Steve’s heart jumping into his throat, Bucky reacted as if Mr. Jackson was doing him a favor with the rougher treatment. Bucky’s eyes had slid all the way closed, spit running down his chin and as Steve watched in shock, he noticed that Bucky’s arm tensed behind his back…and then Bucky’s cock started spurting white all over his stomach and cock.

Steve was so shocked and overwhelmed that he stood there, frozen. He had no idea what to think or what to do. Without being aware of it, Steve’s feet walked him back down the stairs and out of the warehouse and all the way home. The entire time, thoughts had madly swirled around Steve’s head.

That fact that Bucky had been with another man was shocking, but Bucky had spent years telling Steve about the pretty girls and pretty boys he appreciated looking at. Steve could never relate because he’d always been attracted to one person and one person only, and that was Bucky Barnes. But that wasn’t something that would ever impact Bucky.

Bucky Barnes was the sun that the rest of the Brooklyn revolved around and that was the way Steve liked it. The fact that Bucky was attracted to both dames and fellas—and definitely not Steve—was just something humorous that Bucky would use to make Steve blush. Nothing would ever happen between him and Bucky so Steve had never considered himself a hypocrite for thinking that fairy boys doing unspeakable things with each other was wrong. The two things were unrelated, as far as Steve was concerned.

But knowing that Bucky apparently _did_ engage in unspeakable acts with other men…that was something else entirely. And not just that, but Bucky hadn’t been kissing Mr. Jackson and they hadn’t been touching each other the way Steve heard people touch each other in stories that are whispered in bars. To add to it, Mr. Jackson was a married man with children at home.

What Bucky had been doing with Mr. Jackson was wrong on so many levels and Steve didn’t know what to make of it.

A part of him was still convinced that Bucky had been forced into this by the older man and that helped direct his thoughts. While he’d waited for Bucky to come home, Steve had come up with many different ways of confronting Bucky about what he’d seen and encouraging him to get away from the monster that Mr. Jackson clearly was.

But when Bucky got home with that soft, content smile on his face and he was slightly slurring as he’d come over to Steve and slung an arm around him and asked him how his day had been, Steve came to another startling realization.

He’d never smelled alcohol on Bucky’s breath after he’d come home from his Thursday night…’sessions’. He didn’t act the way he’d typically act when drunk. Steve had been assuming that Bucky had found something new to drink, but now Steve was forced to come to a new and much more unpleasant conclusion: Bucky was happy because of what he’d been doing with Mr. Jackson.

No matter how wrong Steve thinks it was and no matter what the reasons behind the arrangement are, having that type of interaction with another man had made Bucky happy in a way that didn’t happen in normal life.

And that was when all of Steve’s anger and confusion had been replaced by jealousy. Unfortunately, Steve had been familiar with that silly jealousy. It’s the same ugly emotion that crept over him whenever Bucky flirted with somebody else or took a girl out for a date. It didn’t even matter that Steve thought what Bucky and Mr. Jackson had been doing together was wrong. Steve just hated that Mr. Jackson was able to make Bucky feel that good. A small voice in Steve’s head pointed out that once again, he was being a hypocrite, but Steve ignored that voice like he usually did.

The whole thing was a confusing, annoying mess and Steve ended up never discussing it with Bucky.

Bucky’s Thursday routine had stayed consistent all the way until Mr. Jackson’s family had moved to New Jersey, leaving a new manager in place. The good news was that Bucky had been made assistant manager at that point—so maybe there _had_ been some book learning going on in between the other unspeakable acts—and the higher pay and higher position had made Bucky happy.

But every few days, Steve would notice that Bucky would get this sad, wistful look on his face, especially on Thursdays. Steve would ask Bucky what was wrong and he’d always say he was fine or make up some silly excuse.

But Steve knew. For some reason, Bucky missed doing those horrible things with Mr. Jackson.

If there was ever any doubt that Bucky’s happy semi-drunk moods had been a result of Mr. Jackson and nothing else, those doubts disappeared when Bucky never came home in one of those moods ever again. He’d get that soft, half-smile on his face when waking up Sundays, but even those became rarer after Mr. Jackson left.

* * *

Steve hasn’t thought about Mr. Jackson and what he’d witnessed in the sawmill in years, but Bucky’s recent sadness makes him revisit those hated memories.

The confusion is driving Steve crazy. He can tell Bucky’s unhappy and that it’s somehow related to their sex lives. But Bucky refuses to tell Steve the truth, leaving Steve fretting and upset.

To make matters worse, Steve can’t help but remember how Bucky had acted after coming home from those sessions with Mr. Jackson. Now that he and Bucky are also doing unspeakable things together—but normal unspeakable things, not the kind of things that Bucky and Mr. Jackson had done together—Steve was hoping that he’d get to make Bucky feel as good as Mr. Jackson had.

But Bucky never acts like he did after being with Mr. Jackson.

And that makes the old jealousy come racing back, but it’s much worse this time. Because now Steve _does_ get to have sex with Bucky and make him feel good and it’s driving him crazy that he can’t get Bucky to react the way Mr. Jackson did.

Steve goes back and forth about it for weeks—since Bucky made it clear that he won’t participate—and he’s finally forced to come to an upsetting conclusion. Clearly, the things Bucky had been doing with Mr. Jackson were important to Bucky. They made him feel good. And even if Steve doesn’t understand why it made Bucky feel good to kneel on the ground and have Mr. Jackson grabbing his hair while he’d done…things, Steve wants to make Bucky happy.

So he decides to do research. He wants to know if the internet can tell him about the things Bucky had been doing with Mr. Jackson and why Bucky had enjoyed it so much.

His research doesn’t start out well. He’d taken a computer class for beginners with Bucky and he’d been taught to be very direct when putting things in the search engine, so he starts by putting the word ‘sex’ and ‘hair grabbing’ into the search bar. The results are a bunch of videos and even the language used to describe the content of the videos is vulgar and freaks Steve out so badly that he slams the computer lid shut.

But he refuses to give up. Bucky’s happiness is at stake. So Steve decides to use more polite search terms and hopes that will give him results. He writes ‘why do people like having their hair pulled during sex?’ and that goes much better. Some of the results are videos that Steve refuses to watch, but he ends up on websites that have a lot of good information.

Apparently, other people enjoy doing the things that Bucky and Mr. Jackson had done together. Some people enjoy getting their hair pulled during sex. Some people like having a person using their mouth the way Mr. Jackson had used Bucky’s. Some people like having their hands or feet tied up while having sex. While Bucky’s hands hadn’t been tied up while he’d been with Mr. Jackson, Bucky had been acting like his hands had been restrained. According to Steve’s research, having somebody else exert control over them during sex is very arousing to some people. It makes them feel good.

The whole concept puzzles Steve. He’s spent his whole life raging against people who refused to treat him as an equal, and he wouldn’t want that inequality being introduced into the bed he shares with Bucky. But on the other hand…if Bucky truly enjoys being treated like that, then what’s the harm?

After a few days of reading, Steve starts to feel more at ease about the whole thing. After coming across the same concepts over and over again, they no longer seem so strange. Going on forums where tons of people are talking about how happy they are when they get regular access to the type of sex they enjoy also helps Steve feel better.

The idea of dominating Bucky while in bed together still doesn’t hold any appeal to him, but something else holds a huge appeal: making Bucky feel good. Giving Bucky something he really, really wants.

Once he’s ready, Steve prepares for the next step. He needs to confront Bucky and determine if this is still something Bucky wants to explore and if he even wants to do it with Steve in the first place. It would drive Steve crazy with jealousy if Bucky only felt comfortable doing these things with other people, but if that’s a sacrifice Steve has to make so Bucky can be happy, then he’ll do it.

He tries to bring it up in a casual way. Like when they’re going for a walk by the river and Steve points out that the park they’re walking in was where the sawmill used to be. But Bucky just gets that same sad, nostalgic look on his face that he gets whenever they discover another part of Brooklyn that’s changed and that’s not enough to broach the subject.

Steve needs to be more direct and after waiting another week to gather his courage, he’s ready.

When they come home from their shop after having spent yet another day cutting wood and being surrounded by sawdust—which constantly reminds Steve about their upcoming conversation—he tells Bucky they need to talk after dinner.

Bucky seems relaxed about their upcoming conversation, but Steve’s anything but and Bucky starts to frown when he notices how tense Steve is. “Is this about work? Did we make a mistake?”

“No. It’s got nothing to do with work.”

Bucky’s frown deepens. “Okay…then what’s wrong? Hurry up and tell me, punk.”

Steve stares at Bucky and takes a deep breath. He needs to do this for Bucky. No matter how awkward this conversation will get, he needs to do this because he loves Bucky and wants him to be happy. “Buck…I know you’ve been unhappy lately and—”

“Oh, Jesus, not this again. I told you a million times, I’m not! I’m really not. I—”

Steve holds up his hand. “Stop. I know you are and you denying it ain’t gonna do nothing. The thing is…I might know why you’re unhappy and I wanna fix it.”

Bucky stares at him and from one second to the next, his entire demeanour changes. He goes pale and stares at Steve with wide, scared eyes until he visibly tries to pull himself together and appears relaxed again, but he’s doing a terrible job.

Taking a deep breath, Steve decides to jump right in. “Buck, I know what you and Mr. Jackson used to do together on Thursdays after work.”

Bucky blinks and his frown’s back. “Mr. Jackson? Is that one of our customers?”

“No. Mr. Jackson. Your old boss at the sawmill.”

Bucky pales again and his jaw clenches and his gaze drops to the floor. Those are all highly uncharacteristic for Bucky and Steve desperately wants to pull him into his arms and comfort him, but that won’t get them closer to a solution.

Since Bucky’s clearly refusing to move the conversation forward, it’s Steve’s responsibility to push forward and try to navigate these choppy waters while keeping both their heads above water. “I know you weren’t going drinking with the other fellas on Thursdays. I got annoyed that you kept not invitin’ me so I went to the bar on my own one day. The other fellas showed up and told me you never came to the bar on Thursdays but you were worked on a special project with Mr. Jackson.”

Bucky’s jaw tightens even more and he’s shaking a bit. “Did you…” His voice is barely above a whisper and he doesn’t manage to finish the sentence, but Steve knows what he’s trying to ask.

“Of course, I did. I’m me, ain’t I? I went to the sawmill and saw you and Mr. Jackson together.”

Bucky’s response is to suck in a sharp breath and he looks close to tears. “You…you…what did you see?”

“You know what I saw,” Steve says gently. “I saw you letting Mr. Jackson get a bit rough with you while you were doing sexual things together.”

Bucky lets out a sound of dismay and hunched in on himself, pressing his hands against his face, one flesh, the other metal.

Knowing that Bucky thinks Steve will have a bad reaction to all this, he hurries to explain. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I knew earlier but I didn’t know what to think. It took me a long time to wrap my head around it but I think I finally did.”

“There’s…you ain’t gotta wrap your head around nothing,” Bucky mumbles. He’s quiet for a moment until he pulls his hands off his face and straightens up, still pale but determined. “Look, we’ve been fine not talking about this for years and I wanna go back to that. I don’t know why you brought this up, but if you want me to apologize for what you saw then I ain’t gonna do that. You’re the one who barged into a place where you had no business being.”

Steve rolls his eyes and smiles. “I ain’t wanting an apology. I want us to talk about what you used to do with Mr. Jackson.”

Bucky makes an anguished sound. “Why?! It happened so long ago and it don’t matter.”

That makes Steve lose his smile. “It matters cause you’ve never been as happy having sex with me as you were when you were with Mr. Jackson and that’s something I wanna change. And I don’t understand why you ain’t on board with that plan.”

Turning incredulous eyes on Steve, Bucky gapes at him. “This ain’t got nothing to do with you! I’m happy with what we do in bed.”

“I know it ain’t got nothing to do with me and that you’re satisfied with how we’re doing things. But I don’t want you just being satisfied. I wanna make you happy. I wanna make you as happy as Mr. Jackson used to. And I don’t think it had nothing to do with him being Mr. Jackson. I think the things you two were doing together meant a lot to you and made you feel really good and I wanna make you feel that good too.”

“You…you don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Actually, I do. I didn’t understand it for a very long time but I’ve been doing research. I think you’re what they call a submissive. That means you like it when somebody’s dominating you during sex.”

A shudder runs through Bucky and he holds up a hand as he squeezes his eyes shut. “Please stop talking about it.”

Steve refuses to back down. “We gotta talk about if we’re gonna figure out how you can finally get what you want!”

Bucky’s eyes fly open and his jaw is clenched. “I’m fine with the way things are!”

“No, you ain’t! And if you keep refusing to deal with that, it’s gonna lead to big problems. You’re gonna get more and more unhappy and you’re gonna start resenting me and I’m gonna start resenting you for not wanting to fix things.” Steve stares at Bucky imploringly. “Don’t do this, Buck. Don’t throw everything we have away just cause you’re embarrassed about this.”

“I’m fine with—”

“Tell me right now that it wouldn’t turn you on if I tied your hands up while I fuck your mouth and I won’t ever mention it again.”

Bucky’s eyes widen at the crudeness of Steve’s words—Steve’s internet research has definitely paid off and he’s grateful he’d practiced this terminology in the bathroom mirror until he’d stopped making himself blush—but the quiet gasp that Bucky lets out and the flush that creeps over his face gives Steve his answer.

Staring at Steve, Bucky’s eyes are wild with hope, fear and also a bit of arousal.

Jesus. If just hearing Steve say one sentence was enough to make Bucky get a bit excited, Steve can’t wait to see what’ll happen when they do this for real. For the first time, he’s actually getting excited about this. But first, he needs to make sure Bucky’s on board with it too. Just because Bucky wants something doesn’t mean he’ll be brave enough to actually go through with it.

Sliding onto the floor and kneeling by Bucky’s feet, Steve gently grabs Bucky’s hands and squeezes them as he stares up at Bucky. “I wanna make you feel good. I wanna make you feel the way Mr. Jackson used to. But maybe I can make you feel even better cause you didn’t love Mr. Jackson but you love me.”

Bucky chews on his lip, staring at Steve. He still looks so scared, but also hopeful. “You really think you’d wanna do this?”

Steve nods. “Yeah. I wanna do it for both of us. I admit, I didn’t understand why somebody would like stuff like that, but I’ve done my research and I get it now.” He decides to be fully honest. “I don’t think it’s something that’ll really get me goin’ so I wouldn’t wanna do it all the time, but making you happy is my top priority in life, Buck.”

Seeing the fear and hope in Bucky’s eyes makes Steve squeeze his hands again and give him a reassuring smile. “There’s nothing to be scared about, I promise. I ain’t gonna think any less of you if we do this. Nothing’s gonna change in the rest of our lives, except you’ll be happier. I ain’t ever gonna shame you or tell anyone else what we do together. It’ll be just you and me and I promise that no matter what you wanna try or what you tell me, I ain’t ever gonna be cruel about it. I won’t promise that I’ll always wanna try all the things you wanna do, but I’m willing to talk about it. We’d probably find a good compromise cause that’s what we’ve always done.”

The more Steve talks, the more that fear fades from Bucky’s eyes and he gradually stops chewing on his lip. Eventually, he slides off the couch and climbs into Steve’s lap, wrapping his arms tightly around him and burying his face in Steve’s neck, his metal arm cold against the back of Steve’s neck.

Steve smiles as he rubs Bucky’s back and holds him tight. “I love you,” he whispers into Bucky’s ear, running his fingers through Bucky’s short hair. “Nothing’s gonna change that. Nothing bad’s gonna happen from this. Only good things will happen, I promise.”

Bucky stays quiet and keeps clinging to Steve, trembling.

Kissing Bucky’s temple, Steve keeps rubbing his back. “Can I ask you questions about what you used to do with Mr. Jackson?”

Bucky makes an anguished sound, then falls silent. But eventually, he mumbles: “Okay.”

“What did you like about doing that stuff with Mr. Jackson?”

Bucky tenses in his arms and presses his face harder against Steve’s neck, so maybe that was too broad of a question. Steve realizes that maybe Bucky’s never put any of this into words. Maybe he and Mr. Jackson had somehow stumbled into this common interest and they’d never discussed it in depth? Steve decides to take it as easy on Bucky as he’d been on himself during his research. “Did you like it when you were kneeling in front of him?”

Silence. Then: “Uh huh.”

“Okay. Did he tell you to put your hands behind your back or was that your idea?”

Bucky mumbles something that Steve can’t understand. “I might have the best hearing in the world now, but I can’t understand you when you sound like a mouse, Barnes.”

That makes Bucky snort out a laugh against his neck. “I said that I wanted to do it. But he liked it too.”

“Would you want me to tie your hands up with something? Or did you like keeping them back there?”

Bucky sucks in a sharp breath. “I ain’t ever…we didn’t do that. But I’d…I think I’d like that.”

Steve rubs his back. “They make all kinds of hand cuffs these days. Nice padded leather ones that would be comfortable to wear. You can clip ‘em together and do all kinds of things with ‘em. You wanna get a pair of those?”

“Uh huh.”

Steve smiles. Bucky’s relaxing a little bit and his words are flowing easier. This is going well, but now it’s time for the tougher parts of the conversation. “Did you like it when he was fucking your mouth?”

Bucky shudders and lets out a shaky breath. “Uh huh.” His voice is more high pitched than it was before.

“Did you like it when he was holding your hair while he was doing it?”

Frantic nodding. Bucky’s pressed so close to him that Steve can feel he’s getting hard. That’s never happened during any of their previous sexual discussions and Steve smiles softly, so happy that he’d finally figured it out and he’s going to give Bucky something he’s been craving. “You’re doing so well, Buck. I’m real proud of you.”

That makes Bucky let out a soft sound. “I like…”

“You like what?”

When Bucky refuses to continue, Steve squeezes him tight and jostles them around a bit. “Come on, you’re doing so good. You like what?”

“I like when you tell me you’re proud of me,” Bucky mumbles against his neck.

Steve grins. “Well, that’s something we have in common cause I love telling you that I’m proud of you.”

While Steve thinks over what else to ask, Bucky surprises him by relaxing against Steve a bit more and saying something without being prompted. “I liked that he was my boss…but I wished it was you.”

That makes Steve’s heart skip a beat. “You were…pretending he was me?”

“Kinda. I was pretending that he was you…pretending to be him.”

Steve frowns. “You lost me.”

Grumbling, Bucky shifts against Steve, but he’s still relaxed. “I liked the idea of you being my boss and me…being your good employee…doing a good job.”

Slowly, Steve begins to put the pieces together. Bucky had apparently spent years wishing he was doing these things with Steve, and Mr. Jackson had just been a convenient stand-in. That old jealousy slowly fades away and Steve squeezes Bucky tight. “I wouldn’t mind pretending to be your boss.”

“Yeah?”

“Uh huh. You wanna give it a try?”

Bucky sucks in a sharp breath. “Really?”

“Uh huh. We’d have to plan it out real careful and I don’t promise I’ll be good at it right away.”

Bucky lets out a happy sigh against his neck. “Thank you, Stevie. I know this ain’t stuff you normally like doing.”

“No, but if it’ll make you happy, I wanna try it.” He kisses Bucky’s cheek. “Hey, Barnes?”

“Hmm?”

“You busy this Thursday? I think there’s a special project I wanna work on with you.”

Bucky pulls back from him and grins at him, his eyes sparkling. It’s the happiest Steve’s seen him in a while. “Definitely.”


	2. Chapter 2

It doesn’t go smoothly at first. There’s a huge learning curve for both of them because Steve isn’t comfortable with any of it and Bucky has a very hard time expressing himself, but they slowly begin to put the pieces together.

They start out very slowly and Steve always has to stop every few minutes to ask Bucky if he’s okay, despite Bucky grumbling about it and making a fuss that Steve’s “ruining the atmosphere”.

To prevent Steve from getting too stressed about it, they decide to stick to tradition and only do it every second Thursday. Gradually, Steve gets more comfortable with the whole thing and once he identifies what he’s comfortable doing and what Bucky likes, it gets easier.

As he’d suspected, the whole dominating aspect of it isn’t arousing to Steve. But even if it’s not Steve’s cup of tea—and probably never will be—he loves how happy Bucky gets. Turning Bucky into a shaking, sweaty, turned-on mess always gets Steve incredibly hot too. Even though they only do it every second Thursday, Bucky’s back to being happy and relaxed all the time. He just glows every single day and seeing him full of such joy makes Steve happy too.

* * *

On one of their special Thursday afternoons, Steve struggles to keep focusing on work as the end of their day approaches. He tries not doing any complex projects on special Thursdays because his mind is always more focused on planning out what he’s going to do with Bucky after work is done.

Bucky’s usually a jittery, excited mess on special Thursdays and it’s a struggle for them to get through work, dinner and getting ready. But preparations are important.

Once he’s out of the shower, Steve heads into their bedroom and finds the wooden closet already open, Bucky having already gotten changed. Pulling the towel off his waist, Steve pulls out the hanger that holds his ‘Boss Steve’ clothes. He’d wanted to make Bucky’s long held fantasy come to life as much as possible, so they’d both gone to a thrift store and found some 1930s type clothes that help set the scene better than their modern jeans and running shoes would.

He takes his time pulling on his freshly ironed trousers and white dress shirt, then he slips on socks and the brown loafers sitting at the bottom of the closet. Bucky loves the sound that the loafers make as Steve strides across their hardwood floors, but the modern day underlay that they had to install underneath to meet codes dampens the sound from what it would have been in the 30s. To make his footsteps more authentic, Steve had attached thin pieces of metal to the bottom of the shoes which echo very nicely across their floors and always makes Bucky’s breathing pick up speed. It probably drives their neighbors below them crazy, but Steve couldn’t care less. They can put up with it for a few minutes every second Thursday.

Then it’s time to put on the dark red tie that Bucky’s in love with. Steve hates wearing a tie, but he takes his time to make sure it’s done up perfectly. Lastly, he snaps the suspenders onto his pants and pulls them over his shoulders, making sure they’re lying flat and neat as his hands go through motions that he’d done a thousand times in his youth.

Putting on the suspenders always throws him right back into the past, but that’s nothing compared to putting the pomade gel into his hair.

Unscrewing the lid on the little jar and leaning closer to the mirror on the closet door, he carefully smooths some of the waxy substance into his hair. He’s been letting his hair grow out a bit so he can make it lie flat with the gel and give himself a similar hairstyle to what he’d had in the 30s, but it’s not long enough to look out of place in daily life.

To add to the fantasy, Steve smears some pomade on his forearms so Bucky will be able to smell it.

He’s almost done. The next step is grabbing the small can of pine scented spray from the shelf and spraying a bit on himself. Although he and Bucky had done a lot of work in their home to add as many wooden features as possible and there’s always that faint scent of freshly cut wood clinging to their furniture and themselves, Steve likes to make that scent as strong as possible without being off-putting. After all, he’s Mr. Rogers, the manager of a sawmill.

The final touch is neatly rolling up his sleeves, giving the impression that he’s Mr. Rogers, the hard working manager of a sawmill.

He carefully inspects himself head to toe, making sure he hasn’t forgotten any details. When he’s satisfied, he closes the closet and heads out of the bedroom, his shoes echoing nicely across the floor.

Time to start.

Bucky’s sitting on the couch when Steve gets into the living room. He’s wearing similar clothes as Steve and he’s vibrating as he sits, his eyes staring at Steve, dark and hungry. His knees look a bit lumpy and Steve’s glad Bucky’s remembered to put the knee pads on underneath his trousers. It always takes Steve’s breath away to see Bucky wearing those trousers and his suspenders with his hair slicked back with pomade. Except for a few more lines on his face and his metal hand peeking out from his white shirt, Bucky looks exactly the same as he had in the 30s and that always fills Steve with awe and immense gratitude.

Steve is careful to keep his face blank and doesn’t look at Bucky directly. He’s now Mr. Rogers and Bucky’s just another one of his employees.

He spends a few minutes striding around the living room, making sure his shoes are echoing nicely across the wooden floors as he listens to Bucky’s breathing get heavier with each stride. Steve fusses at the bookshelf for a while, picking up random books before putting them back, then he heads to their wooden desk and sits down. “Barnes!”

He hears Bucky suck in a sharp breath. “Yes, sir?”

“Come into my office.”

Bucky scampers off the couch and hurries to the desk. Steve keeps his eyes on the stack of papers on the desk—sketches for client projects he and Bucky are working on—but when Bucky comes to a stop next to his desk, Steve can see he’s already hard and vibrating head to toe.

“You called me, sir?”

Steve doesn’t look at him. “Yes. I have a special project for you.”

“I’m happy to help, sir.”

That’s when Steve glances at Bucky with a small smile before focusing back on his papers. It’s not a big smile because Mr. Rogers is a very serious man who doesn’t grin at the drop of a hat—according to Bucky’s decades long fantasy. “Good. Take your shirt off.”

Bucky hurries to obey, shoving the suspenders off his shoulders and unbuttoning his shirt before pulling it off and carefully draping it over his arm, waiting for further instruction as the light in the living room shines off his metal arm.

“Hang the shirt up, Barnes. We need to keep a tidy workspace.”

“Yes, Mr. Rogers,” Bucky breathes out, his voice shaking from excitement. He quickly grabs the hanger that’s hanging on the little nail they’d put into the wall next to the desk—just for special Thursdays—and hangs up his shirt with shaking hands before stepping back to Steve’s side, his hands clasped behind his back.

Steve takes his time looking at his papers, letting Bucky wait; knowing the anticipation is part of the excitement for him.

When Steve thinks he’s waited long enough, he stands up and crosses his arms over his chest, slowly looking Bucky up and down. As always, seeing Bucky’s gorgeous chest gets him turned on a bit, and seeing how rapidly Bucky’s breathing, how hard he’s trembling and how stiff his cock is in his pants makes Steve smile happily before he quickly forces the smile off his face.

Bucky’s head is tilted down but he keeps glancing up at Steve and his smile is so radiant that Steve’s heart glows.

Stepping closer to Bucky as his shoes tap on the floor, Steve makes a noise of disapproval. “You’re not quite presentable for work yet. We need to fix your pants.”

“I’m sorry, sir.”

“That’s alright. It’s a difficult thing to get perfect. I’ll show you how it’s done.”

Reaching over, Steve gently cups Bucky’s hard cock through his pants and squeezes, making Bucky let out a low whine.

Smiling softly, Steve keeps massaging him, keeping his grip firm. “Hmm, your cock is nice and hard. That’s very good. I like that. It shows you’re committed to this project.”

Bucky’s shaking hard and his hips are thrusting just a little, pressing his cock harder against Steve’s hand.

Eventually, Steve releases him. “But we need to make a small adjustment. You worked hard to get your cock nice and stiff and I want that gorgeous cock on display.”

Slowly, Steve unbuttons Bucky’s pants, carefully pulling the flaps back and letting Bucky’s cock spring free due to Bucky not wearing any underwear. He’s rock hard and already leaking at the tip and Steve’s mouth waters, desperately wanting to drop to his knees and swallow Bucky down, but that’s not the point of special Thursdays.

Tucking the edges of Bucky’s pants in to keep them out of the way, Steve pulls the pants down a bit so he can lift Bucky’s heavy balls out, gently squeezing them.

Bucky moans loudly and his knees nearly buckle, but he manages to stay upright, his arms shaking as they’re still clasped behind his back.

Taking his time, Steve massages his balls a little more before wrapping his hand around Bucky’s stiff length and sliding his hand up to the tip, lightly rubbing the leaking moisture into Bucky’s slit and making Bucky let out a choked whine.

“Now, this is much better,” Steve tells him, his eyes glued to Bucky’s cock as his own cock aches against the confines in his pants, incredibly turned on by how amazing Bucky looks. “I’m very pleased with how you look now.”

“Thank you, sir,” Bucky breathes out, his voice shaking.

Releasing Bucky’s cock, Steve steps back. “Alright, let’s get to work. Kneel down.”

Bucky immediately sinks down to his knees, keeping his hands clasped behind his back and his head lowered. Steve keeps staring at Bucky’s chest and especially his cock and balls hanging out of his open pants. To his surprise, Steve had discovered he really enjoys how Bucky looks when he’s turned on and half-dressed. Steve could stand here and stare at him all day.

When Bucky’s comfortable, Steve glances at him and quirks a quick smile at him. “Well done, Barnes.”

“Thank you, Mr. Rogers,” Bucky breathes out and that radiant smile gets even bigger.

Steve takes a long moment to stare down at Bucky, as if he’s assessing the situation. “You’re looking very dapper, but we’re missing one item still. Do you recall what that item is?”

Bucky’s chest shudders from how hard he’s breathing and he’s grinning. “Yes, Mr. Rogers.”

“What is it?”

“Hand cuffs, sir.”

Steve smiles. “Very good. You have a good memory.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Reaching over to his desk, Steve slowly slides open one of the wooden drawers, hearing Bucky’s breathing getting louder at the sound. Struggling to hide his smile, Steve pulls the cuffs out and holds the top one, letting the bottom one dangle from the connecting chain so Bucky can see it. He steps around behind Bucky and unclips the cuffs before gently buckling them around Bucky’s wrists and clipping them back together.

Bucky visibly slumps with relief when his hands are fully restrained and he lets out a soft moan, still shaking like a leaf.

Stepping back around him, Steve stands in front of him. Reaching down, he gently slides his hand into Bucky’s hair before slowly tightening his grip and pulling Bucky’s head back. “Now you’re ready for work, Barnes. You’re the best dressed employee this mill’s ever seen.”

Bucky’s staring up at him, his eyes wide as he pants up at Steve, his eyes sparkling and his smile lighting up his entire face. As Steve watches, Bucky’s eyes become more and more unfocused as he slips into that happy trance that he always falls into so easily when Steve adds a little bit of pain into the pleasure Bucky’s basking in. It’s always fascinating to watch and Steve can’t believe how lucky he is to witness it and be allowed to participate in it. Bucky’s trust and responsiveness is amazing and it always steals Steve’s breath away. This is always the hardest moment to stay in character.

He keeps his grip tight in Bucky’s hair and finally allows himself to smile a bit. “You’re doing so well.”

Bucky grins and pants up at him, his eyes half lidded. “Thank you, Mr. Rogers,” he mumbles, his words heavily slurred.

“You’re going to kneel here and be a good, patient boy until I need you.”

“Yes, sir,” Bucky breathes.

Slowly, Steve releases his grip in Bucky’s hair and lets Bucky’s head drop down as he sits back on his chair and picks up a pencil. He bends over the papers on his desk and scribbles some nonsense on a scrap piece of paper. He deliberately doesn’t put any other papers underneath so Bucky can hear every single scratch of the pencil and as time goes by, Bucky’s panting gets louder and he’s letting out quiet moans and whines, probably not even aware that he’s doing it.

Steve keeps a careful eye on Bucky out of the corner of his eye as he scribbles on the paper, monitoring how Bucky’s doing. He makes sure the smile stays on Bucky’s face, his eyes stay blinking slow and heavy and that his cock stays stiff as pre-cum keeps slowly oozing out of the tip and sliding down the stiff length. All signs that Bucky’s still enjoying himself.

Eventually, Steve puts down the pencil and slides his chair back. “Alright, you did very well. Time for the next step.”

There’s a choked moan from Bucky and Steve struggles to catch his own smile before it can spread over his face. Standing up, Steve slowly steps closer to Bucky and reaches down to tangle his hand into Bucky’s hair and pull his head back.

When Bucky’s gazing up at him, his gaze unfocused and that happy-drunk smile on his face, Steve allows himself to smile a bit. “Good boy. This next part is very difficult to get right, but I have faith in your skills.”

“I won’t disappoint you, Mr. Rogers,” Bucky mumbles, the words blending into each other.

“I know you won’t.”

Releasing Bucky’s hair, Steve slowly undoes the buttons on his pants and he watches as Bucky follows the motions, his eyes widening as he pants. When Steve pulls his pants away from his throbbing cock and lets it spring free, Bucky whines softly and his mouth is gaping open, a bit of drool already dripping out of the corner of his mouth.

That sends a jolt of heat through Steve and he has to squeeze the base of his cock hard to stay in control. When he’s calmed down just a bit, Steve gently fists his cock a few times, watching Bucky’s eyes following his sliding hand, his eyes hungry and dark as he trembles.

“Let’s get you to work, Barnes,” Steve tells him softly, reaching down and gripping Bucky’s hair tightly as he steps closer to him.

Keeping his other hand on his cock, he gently presses the head of his cock against Bucky’s spit-slick lower lip and rubs it over the warm skin as Bucky makes little whining noises, his jaw shaking. Steve knows how badly Bucky wants to get his mouth around Steve’s cock, but letting Steve stay in control is something he wants even more.

Steve’s trembling too as he struggles not to slide his cock right into Bucky’s mouth. He wants to make this as good for Bucky as possible. “Stick out your tongue,” Steve tells him, his voice shaking a bit.

Bucky obediently sticks out his tongue as far as it can go and Steve gently rubs the head of his cock over Bucky’s warm, moist tongue. It sends tingles rushes through him and he lets out a quiet moan at how good Bucky’s tongue feels against the sensitive slit of his cock.

Bucky’s shaking like a leaf and his arms are tensing as if he wants to move his hands so desperately. But as always, when he realizes his hands are restrained, he shakes even harder and his whines get higher pitched. His eyes are barely open and completely unfocused as more pre-cum slowly drips down his cock.

He’s so gorgeous it’s breath-taking and Steve tightens his grip in Bucky’s hair without meaning to, which makes Bucky’s knees shift and he lets out a loud, desperate groan.

“You’re doing so well, Barnes,” Steve whispers, his voice shaking from how turned on he is. No matter how many times he gets to witness this, he’ll never get over how beautiful Bucky looks and how much he’s loving it.

When Bucky’s shaking so hard that his knees keep shifting over the floor, his arms keep tensing and there’s tears gathering in Bucky’s eyes, Steve knows that his cue to move to the next step. “I’m gonna fuck your gorgeous mouth. You’re gonna be a good boy and take my cock, won’t you?”

Steve releases his grip in Bucky’s hair just enough that Bucky can nod frantically as he lets out a choked sob and his tongue twitches against Steve’s cock. Then Steve tightens his grip in Bucky’s hair, pulls his head back even more and gently slides his cock into Bucky’s mouth.

Bucky moans around his cock and the vibrations nearly make Steve’s knees buckle. He keeps his thrusts shallow at first, letting Bucky get used to it. Once Bucky’s sealed his lips around Steve’s cock and his tongue is nicely pressed against the underside of it, Steve slowly deepens his thrusts.

Bucky’s eyes slide closed and the tight heat of Bucky’s mouth feels so amazing that Steve tightens his grip in Bucky’s hair unconsciously, making Bucky moan around his cock.

“You’re doing so well,” Steve whispers. “I’m so proud of you.”

Gradually, his arousal spirals even higher and Steve increases the speed of his thrusts. It still feels strange to be using Bucky’s mouth like this, but Bucky’s absolutely loving it and seeing how relaxed and happy he looks makes Steve smile.

Bucky’s drooling heavily, his chin covered in spit and he’s shaking in Steve’s grasp, his cock staying stiff. It’s amazing and Steve finds himself enjoying this more every time they do it.

He keeps going as long as he can, thrusting his cock in and out of Bucky’s warm mouth until his arousal coils together in a bundle of tingling heat, his heart’s thudding in his chest and he’s coming in Bucky’s mouth.

Bucky moans happily and his eyes flutter open a bit, gazing up at Steve as he keeps coming, sliding his cock through the sticky cum filling Bucky’s mouth and leaking out of the corner of his mouth.

When Steve’s done, he slides his cock deep into Bucky’s mouth and holds it there, feeling Bucky’s mouth spasm around the length. He knows Bucky would prefer if Steve just stood here for hours, keeping a tight grip on Bucky’s hair and keeping his mouth filled with Steve’s cock, but Steve eventually has to pull out. He keeps his hand in Bucky’s hair and stares down at him, gasping for breath and his heart still racing.

Bucky’s mouth is still gaping open, his jaw covered in spit and cum and he’s smiling. Best of all his, eyes are sparkling with joy.

Steve returns his smile, letting himself smile as big as he wants. “Great job, Barnes! I’m so proud of you. You did very, very well.”

Bucky mumbles something in reply that Steve can’t understand and Steve keeps grinning down at him. “Yes, you did a wonderful job. Fantastic!”

Slowly, Steve releases his grip on Bucky’s hair and reaches back with trembling hands, turning his chair to face Bucky. “Let’s get you up so we can do the last step of the project. We’re nearly there.”

Reaching down, Steve grabs Bucky’s arms and pulls him to his feet. Bucky’s a limp mess and if it weren’t for Steve holding him up, he’d collapse into a happily puddle. Walking back to his chair while holding Bucky up, Steve sits down and helps Bucky climb up onto his lap.

Bucky immediately presses his face into Steve’s neck and he’s sniffing and moaning softly. Steve knows he’s enjoying the pine scent and the pomade scent.

Steve slides one hand around Bucky’s back and up to his neck, tangling his fingers into Bucky’s hair again and pulling his head back as Bucky groans and smiles. With his back arched like this, Bucky’s hips shove forward, putting his stiff cock on display and Steve grins as he wraps his free hand around Bucky’s cock.

Bucky cries out, his cum and spit covered mouth gaping open as Steve squeezes his cock.

“I wanna see you come now. You’ve done so well with every step and I wanna see you finish it and make me proud one more time.”

Bucky’s grinning and mumbles something and Steve’s grin mirrors his as he rubs his thumb over the sticky head of Bucky’s cock and fists him hard while tightening his grip in Bucky’s hair, knowing it won’t take much. “That’s my good boy. You’re doing so well. Let me see you come.”

With a choked sob, Bucky tenses in his arms and he’s coming all over his stomach and Steve’s shirt.

“That’s it! Good job, Barnes. I’m so proud of you!”

When Bucky’s done, Steve slows his hand on his cock but keeps holding it as Bucky shakes and lets out soft whines.

Eventually, Steve releases Bucky’s cock and hair, keeping one hand behind Bucky’s back as he turns Bucky’s chin down with the other and grins at his glassy stare. “I’m very proud of you. You did so good!”

Bucky pants and grins at him and since they’re at the end of the scene, Steve tilts Bucky’s head down and leans up to kiss him on the forehead.

When he releases Bucky’s chin, Bucky slumps forward against Steve, nuzzling his neck as he pants and moans happily.

The chair isn’t the most comfortable to sit on like this, so Steve slides his hands underneath Bucky’s legs and slowly stands up, struggling under Bucky’s limp weight and slowly makes his way to the couch. He sits down, keeping Bucky in his lap and wraps his arms around his back, hooking the fingers of one hand into the short chain keeping Bucky’s hands cuffed together. He knows any major changes right now will throw Bucky out of his happy trance, and not in a good way. Keeping his hands cuffed together until he’s calmed down is important. But Bucky doesn’t need his hands right now anyway because Steve will take care of him until he’s ready.

This is Steve’s favorite part of their special Thursdays. He loves how Bucky stays pressed up against him, rubbing his face against Steve’s neck and sniffing him, making soft happy sounds and his body completely relaxed, despite his hands still being tied up.

Steve relaxes against the couch, holding Bucky tight and murmuring into his ear. “You did so well. I’m really proud of you. We finished the project and you did better than ever.”

He deliberately stops calling Bucky ‘Barnes’ at this point, making the slow transition out of their role-playing. Sometimes it takes Bucky an hour to come out of his trance—‘subspace’ according to Steve’s research but that always sounds like something to do with outer space so he doesn’t like that term—and Steve stays right where he is, praising him, kissing him and holding him.

Eventually, Bucky stops shaking and starts shifting around a bit, making himself more comfortable.

“You want the handcuffs off, Buck?” Steve asks softly.

“Yes, please,” Bucky murmurs against his neck.

Reaching around him, Steve unclips the handcuffs and pulls Bucky’s hands to his front, undoing the buckles on both cuffs and tossing them on the couch next to them.

Bucky sighs a happy, soft sigh and fiddles with Steve’s tie. “That was really great.”

He’s still slurring a little and it makes Steve smile as he wraps his arms back around him. “Yeah, I thought so. We did good.”

Bucky leans back and smiles at him, his eyes still a bit unfocused. “I’m the luckiest fella in the world.”

Steve grins and kisses him. “Well, that makes two of us.”

Bucky’s smile grows bigger and his eyes are still sparkling as he plays with Steve’s tie. “You make me real happy, you know that?”

Chuckling, Steve pulls Bucky against his chest again, feeling Bucky nuzzling his neck as his hands stay wrapped up in Steve’s tie. “That’s another thing we have in common.”

Although their special Thursday activities will never be Steve’s favorite thing that they do together, he’s enjoying it more every single time they do it. And no matter what, making Bucky happy has always been one of Steve’s favorite things in the world and it’s something he wants to do for the rest of his life. The fact that Steve has the privilege of keeping Bucky Barnes a happy man still steals Steve’s breath away and probably always will.

Bucky makes a pleased humming noise in his throat and Steve feels him smiling against his neck. With his nose pressed against Steve’s skin, Steve feels Bucky sniffing and nuzzling his neck and it always makes Steve smile, knowing what Bucky’s smelling.

Pomade and freshly cut wood; the scents of their past mingling with their present and their future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I adore comments and I'd love to hear what you thought!


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